


Butterfly

by ShipHeatRook



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Character Study, Developing Relationship, F/F, Heavy Angst, Hope I Did Well, Implied Sexual Content, Like Heavy Angst, Past Relationship(s), Philosophy, Umi I'm so sorry forgive me, Unhealthy Relationships, my second oneshot here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 12:28:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15364731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShipHeatRook/pseuds/ShipHeatRook
Summary: Umi and Kotori are dating and in love! Nothing could go wrong, right?Or could it?Because Umi loves Kotori deeply, but is she the one she's looking for? Or is the bluenette looking for something more...casual?Love has more than one side: it spins around, runs in circles and, sometimes, comes back to the starting point.





	Butterfly

**Author's Note:**

> HELLOOOOOOW!
> 
> Here's my second oneshot here on AO3! I hope you'll enjoy this, and I'd like to thank you in advance for clicking on it! I had been suffering from an heavy writer's block, but those two shots helped me recover, so now I'll just focus on updating my multichapters!
> 
> As always, see you at the end of this fic!

Umi turned multiple times trying to find a comfortable position to sleep, yet she knew that would be impossible.

Because many things can affect a human’s ability to sleep peacefully: the hot weather in summer, bad-cooked food or simple excitement.

But an argument with her girlfriend would most likely keep the bluenette awake all night long.

It had started with a misunderstanding, but it had soon turned into a discussion about Honoka’s worst personality side: the over caring one.

When their relationship first began Umi was really aware that Honoka’s behaviour and habits were completely different from her own ones: while Honoka slept until late morning, Umi woke up early (she claimed that the first rays of the morning sun would help her write lyrics to the group’s songs); while Honoka was euphoric and seemed that her happiness could embrace the whole world, Umi was the quiet one, who would just occasionally express her true feelings out loud, at least the deepest ones, making them draw a picture made of small, black ink drops on white paper sheets: the ones who would become lyrics to a song, that would be sung by μ’s, her…

 

_ Her family. _

 

Umi couldn’t force herself to smile: even the brightest memory of her group brought pain to her chest, her hands holding it tight, as if her heart could break out of its boundaries and abandon her for good.

And all she felt was guilt. She shouldn’t have been harsh to Honoka, she was just trying to be nice.

And alright, maybe bringing her lunch in the Archery Club, hugging and kissing her in front of everyone wasn’t the most rational way to behave, but it was  _ her girlfriend _ .

 

Her girlfriend, the one who refused to talk to her since the argument, or maybe she was feeling the same way as Umi and just  _ couldn’t _ bring herself to grab her phone and text her girlfriend a quick reply.

 

Umi shook her head and tightly hugged her pillow.

Wet and salty droplets would never leave her alone.

 

* * *

 

“One, two, three, four! One, two, three, four! Kotori, try to match Hanayo’s rhythm. Rin, be careful not to poke Maki in the eye”: Eli was helping the other members exercise on their new dance steps. They were on the rooftop as usual, on a mildly hot spring afternoon.

End term exams were almost due, so the girls found themselves with less and less time to practice, but so did the other clubs, thus leading them to have the rooftop for themselves in those rare afternoon when everyone could afford to leave their textbooks to the dust for a few hours.

 

The dance steps had become harder to learn with the passing time: their public was always expecting more from them, so they had to keep up with their expectatives if they wanted to gain votes and win Love Live.

Hanayo paired up with Kotori; Eli had to dance with Nozomi; Rin and Maki would hopefully be fine with playing together and Honoka had been chosen as the center: this left Umi with Nico by her side, the two of them trying their best not to mix the choreography up.

Nobody was really looking in other directions, so what happened was a little unclear: apparently, Nico had taken a step in the wrong direction while dancing, and this caused Umi to trip and fall badly on her ankle. The second-year lied on the floor, gritting her teeth and holding her ankle: when the other members tried to help her stand up, it was clear that it might be worse than expected.

Eli was telling Nozomi to go to the infirmary and grab some ice when Honoka stormed right in Nico’s direction:

 

“Are you blind? Weren’t you focusing? Look at what you’ve done to her!”

 

Her expression was of pure anger, one they had never seen on her face before. It was so unlikely her to get sad, not to mention angry.

But then, it looked like she could beat Nico up with no hesitation at all.

 

Nico herself was confused by her friend’s attitude: “Eeeh? You dare blaming it to me? It was Umi who took a wrong movement and pushed me! Don’t just accuse me, because when Umi fell you weren’t even  _ looking _ at her!”.

 

This was enough for Honoka to burst out in anger.

 

“Mind your own business! My Umi knows the dance steps too well to be wrong!”

 

“And so does Nico, the #1 idol in the universe!”

 

“Umi can’t-”

 

“SHUT UP!”

 

It took some time to realize that it was actually Umi the one who had spoken, almost invisible among the other members surrounding her and asking her questions about her health.

Said girl forced herself to stand by leaning on Rin (“What are  _ nya _ doin’?”) and looked at Honoka with her deadly gaze.

 

“Honoka. Stop imposing your presence in anything that’s my concern and not yours”.

 

Everyone went silent and looked either at the former or at the latter with a worried expression on their faces. 

 

“Umi, I-" 

 

“Honoka. We’ve already discussed this. If I wanted to accuse Nico of something or blame her, I would have done it on my own. Stop acting as everyone’s smallest moment were made to include you. Sometimes we just need to stand aside".

 

“She...she could have seriously harmed you-".

 

“Not she, Honoka. You. I appreciate your worrying when it’s necessary, but I exist too and I’m able to make decisions on my own. So, please, stop”.

 

A few seconds passed, which felt like hours to Umi, until she saw them: fresh tears running down Honoka’s cheeks and staying there, as if they were trying to make their presence obvious to Umi’s eyes.

 

It hurt. Umi had done it again, she had tried to shape Honoka into someone she couldn’t be. Why was she making mistakes by just existing? Honoka deserved a better girlfriend than one who couldn’t control her frustration and couldn't understand her fully.

 

Honoka ran. She ran away, still crying, her tears covering the remaining distance between her cheeks and her neck, glistening in the fading sunlight of the late afternoon.

 

“Umi! You have to catch her! Run- oh...right, nya", Rin glanced at Umi’s ankle, who reddened and looked like something that needed to be treated with something more serious than a pack of ice.

 

“I’ll let her calm down, then I’ll talk to her”, came the quick reply.

 

Kotori and Hanayo gazed at each other, both doubting the bluenette’s true intentions: of course, they trusted her, but they also knew that Umi wasn’t the kind of girl who would admit her mistakes during an argument.

 

A minute or so passed, before Nozomi returned with a red bag of ice, the Otonokizaka logo printed on it. The storm raging in Umi’s brain was put to rest for a while when the tingling and sharp feeling of the ice on her injured ankle left her with nothing but a mere shiver.

 

_ Hold it too tight, and it’ll suffocate. _

 

* * *

 

“ _ Rain falls from time to time, but it’s harsh without water...” _

 

A young girl was playing the piano in a large living room, closing her eyes from time to time, when she let the tapping of her fingers on the keys and the music fill the room and overwhelm her. It was almost fascinating, how she was able to make from every note a small water drop, and how a magnificent river would soon be flowing throughout the room, taking her far away.

 

She was interrupted by someone knocking on the door.

 

It wasn’t surprising, though: Maki knew there would be only one person who would visit her at such a late hour.

 

Opening the door, a flash of blue hair confirmed her thoughts.

 

“Oh, good evening, Umi. Please, come in”

 

The bluenette smiled and nodded before stepping into Nishikino’s house. She was holding a couple of paper sheets with words written on them: some of them had been erased, others had question marks, but the result was, more or less, decent.

 

Of course, Umi knew that a plain ‘decent’ wasn’t enough for μ’s, that was why she would show up at Maki’s maison every once in a while: comparing the lyrics to the composed song helped both girls correcting their mistakes. One would say the two of them were the true soul of μ’s, for they were writing songs that would make an audience clap, cry and cheer for them, even though neither of them liked that definition.

 

Or, at least, it was one of the main reasons.

 

They sat together on a sofa in the living room, with Umi putting the lyrics sheets on the table in front of her while Maki grabbed her MP3 player. 

The red haired handed an earbud to her friend and kept the other one to herself. Then, she hit the ‘PLAY’ button and music began to fill her ears, the same musical notes arranged together to form a melody the bluenette had never heard before, yet so fascinating and so μ’s-like.

In the end, aren’t all the rivers made of water droplets? But yet, we give them different names and meanings, because each one has its own sound, they roar differently from one another and their flow always surprises us.

Umi loved it: listening to μ’s songs while they were still instrumental and not yet finished, nor released to the public. To her, this was the true essence of being an idol: not only making the world smile, but smile oneself looking at what a group of this few people was able to create.

 

Lost in her thoughts, she leaned back on the sofa and closed her eyes, smiling softly: it could have looked like she was asleep, if not for the humming. 

Maki knew the song she herself had composed all too well to pay attention to it: instead, she focused on the girl next to her, a sweet smile she would only allow herself to show when nobody else was looking, for Maki feared someone would hurt her if they knew how her loving side looked like.

 

It wasn’t about being an asshole tsundere: it was plain self-defense coming from someone who wasn’t used to receiving affections, nor sharing them.

 

But with μ’s it was different.

 

With  _ Umi,  _ it was different.

 

The bluenette wasn’t keen on affections either, but for other reasons: being rational, learning the laws of the purest discipline and always putting her duties before herself had taught her to let feelings be conceived by her mind, only to stay there. She loved her city, with all those bright colours that would cheer her up whenever she might have had a rough day at school, the same way she loved μ’s, a dream she had never thought herself to be able to achieve: even so, when Umi’s friends were asked to talk about her, they wouldn’t say she was the kind of person who loved the beautiful landscape a sunset on the sea might offer or who put a bit of herself in every song she wrote.

 

With  _ Maki, _ it was different.

 

The redhead stood in awe, looking at her friend, who was softly humming regularly, following a rhythm only her own fingers had know until moments ago. She was so beautiful…

 

Maki leaned in, while Umi still had her eyes closed, and kissed her.

 

_ Hold it too light, and it’ll fly away. _

 

It wasn’t anything new to Umi: Maki and she had been dating for a while then, but still she found Maki’s gesture surprising. Her friend would always be the one who turned away in disgust when Umi would try and say something sweet to her, this not encouraging the bluenette to ever try again. Right then, it looked like Maki had left all of her prejudices behind just to savor and enjoy that moment, which might have lasted seconds or hours, none of the girls would be able to tell, because it would eventually look too short to them.

When they eventually parted, their cheeks had reddened just the slight bit to have the other one notice it. 

The redhead lowered her gaze, embarrassed, but Umi made her look her way by holding two fingers under her chin and gently pushing.

 

This was all the encouragement the latter needed and, with an intense look and an uncertain nod, she made sure they both knew where that was going.

It was routine for them, it had been like that for a few weeks then: Umi would often visit her friend, mostly because she needed her help with the lyrics and the first-year wanted her to hear her new melodies, but the truth was, they both needed a way to relieve themselves from the stress being an idol brought. 

And relief Maki was glad to provide, her soft fingers making their way to Umi’s blouse, undoing her buttons and softly resting there, just under the collarbone, a silent invitation for the other to reciprocate her touch as she played with the bluenette’s body the same way she would do with her piano, drawing out beautiful sounds from Umi’s lips, small drops that would eventually become a river and fill the room.

 

* * *

 

Umi slowly opened her eyes: a ray of sunlight coming from a window just in front of her cut her sight like a blade would, making her blink multiple times before she was able to look around her.

It was routine. She would often feel sleepy and fall asleep after reaching her peak, but she would wake up in thirty minutes or so: this time, it looked like Maki and she had been sleeping throughout the whole night, if the sunlight wasn’t proof enough.

She turned to check at the alarm clock on her right: five minutes past eight in the morning They still had some time before Umi would wake her friend up: the redhead would grunt, even ignore her for a moment, but she would eventually open her eyes, rub them and mutter a few words before going in the bathroom to change for the day.

 

It was routine. Nothing more. 

But still, it was a nice change of pace for Umi, who had broken up with Kotori a few weeks before, the day of the accident on the roof.

 

Maki wasn’t her girlfriend. Umi would tell her closest friends that they were dating (it was better not to let anyone else know aside from μ’s, for the sake of the idol group itself), but it was an half-truth: they had never gone out to dine, or enjoyed a walk on the street rather than playing videogames together, or done anything of what common couples would do.

 

They weren’t dating. Their relationship was based upon being friends and part of μ’s, work on songs together and, more than often, enjoying their unusual bedroom activities.

 

It was actually Umi the one who suggested not to take the relationship too far, at a point when every obstacle would become a threat for it: Maki had been more than fine with it, telling her she wasn’t looking for a serious relationship. 

 

After all, they could make it so they were able enjoy just the positive sides of being together, couldn’t they?

 

Umi looked at the ceiling, her breath even: why was she feeling so strange all of a sudden? She felt like there was a flame inside of her, one that couldn't be extinguished, no matter what she did.

Usually, she thought, that same flame would set up when Maki began kissing her, pushing her gently on her bed, and end right after she woke up.

 

It was routine, wasn’t it?

Then, why did she feel like that fire was going to expand upon her wooden heart, making it charcoal, ready to be burnt again?

She turned to her left to face Maki’s back: a slender, almost perfect figure, sleeping peacefully, with her untied red hair spread on the pillow, like her own beautiful sun. 

A sun that would burn if looked at for too long, but which would enlight her day, too.

Umi forced a small smile on her face as she turned again, this time resting on her back, closing her eyes in order to relax, not to feel the painful burns that had nothing to do with their passionate lovemaking from just hours before.

 

_ Love is like a butterfly. _

 

_ Hold it too tight, and it’ll suffocate. _

_ Hold it too light, and it’ll fly away. _

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo...what do you guys think of this?  
> I had been busy with exams too, so this was mostly written overnight: if there are any grammar mistakes, I hope you'll forgive me.
> 
> Also Umi I love you, really, but you're my favorite experiment for writing my angst---


End file.
